Frstk

Aw

喵呜不停:

南京古城墙上长出4朵猫,你拥我挤争先探出脑袋,萌倒无数路人!


更多城墙猫猫图片、视频,请关注偶公众号:iMiao5,查看详细故事。

力大无穷的飞天小狱长和他的创造人在看眼天色能顶三针K-Rax的地外小行星上渡过了一个胡闹的短暂下午(或上午?或太阳一号和太阳二号的轮班节点?Rick晃晃被整人玩具拆散架的跨星际鸡肋时钟,决定放弃细究这类问题。)

Blahblaj.

Listen to Dylan Moran: Episode 150 by An Irishman Abroad #np on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/an-irishman-abroad/dylan-moran-episode-150

面对着充满信息和星斗的夜,我第一次向这个世界的动人的冷漠敞开了心扉。

Home Sweat Home

The Irish Times November 2, 1996,SECTION: SPORT; Pg. Supplement Page 3
HEADLINE: Home sweat home
BYLINE: By DYLAN MORAN

THROUGH the stupendous High Street we walked on the path conveniently adjacent to the unique road and turned into the superb, naturally lit estate agents office. Somebody sneezed, and when we turned around from saying "bless you"all the roulette wheels had become desks. Above everyone there hovered a smile as reassuring as a Jack 'o' Lantern. When 12 people salivate together, itsoundslike the tide coming in.

My girlfriend is a wise and beautiful human being - that is why they all looked at me. I give out a visible aura of financial cretinism. I felt the way a chicken must feel when he gets drunk and falls down the fox hole. We had come to speak about buying a house. More precisely, we had come to ask about the possibility of us ever being eligible to enter the market, if we could prove we owned our underwear and everything.

All of the desks came forward. A man with no whites in his eyes said:
"Hello, children. My name is Michael. I can help you."

V. explained our situation. "We'd like to get somewhere with a garden, or near the river."
"Yes," said Michael looking at me as I rocked back and forth murmuring "Home, home, home".

"Take a look at these," Michael purred.

There are several basic types of dwelling.

1. Mews - a mews is an extremely small space in which you sit and mews as to why you let the man with the shiny face walk away with Pounds 110,000 that you never had.
2. New development - a ware house with a buzzer.
3. Old development - a warehouse with a knocker. And no roof.
4. Lower Ground Floor - this means a basement.
5. Basement - you are now living in a well.

THEN there are the much more expensive kinds. Such as:
1. Studios - they have big windows, stripped floors and Americans standing around discussing the political implications of ballet.
2. Lofts - these have been converted meaning they took out the sewing machines when child labour became illegal. People then fill these large spaces with interesting conversation pieces found in markets, such as old
sewing machines.
3. Semi detached - luckily you are connected to only one set of neighbours.But these people are always hired by the council to argue at stadium decibel level from midnight to 7 a.m.

THE kind of place you live in pulses a huge current into your sea of consciousness; what I'm saying is that, statistically, you are far more likely to shout at the nine o'clock news if you cook and pee in the same room. I've done the bedsit thing. It was a very poetic chapter of my youth. I didn't die, but I nearly did, which gives me the edge if I want to talk about it. I ran out of money and came up with the quite brilliant survival plan of eating raw carrots for four days.

I couldn't call my family since that would mean leaving the room and meeting the landlady. The landlady, a striking white haired woman, had beguiling eccentricities, such as scraping kitchen knives against your door at 3 a.m. I didn't need or want for anything else anyway, the hallucinations produced by my stomach digesting itself kept me entertained for hours on end. When I did finally get home, I wasn't let out for a year.
I did the flat share thing, which is fine, if you like four hour conversations about who should get the milk. Knowing you can't walk around naked and sing along with Val Doonican on the radio gets to you eventually.

Buying somewhere, you may be offered a freehold or a leasehold. A leasehold means a time limit - you may own it for as long as 100 years or only 15 minutes, depending on the age and scruples of the vendor. Freehold usually runs to about 1,000 years, by which time you should have paid off a good part of the interest on the original borrowing.

House prices, like temperature settings on showers, have only two bands:
(a)too much, and (b) Ojesusstopitnow.

SOMETIMES a building is under council protection, meaning there is a limit to the number of lozenge shaped windows and roof toilets you can install. The buildings are preserved for historical reasons. "Tobias Burlington
Smyth(1801-1899) patented the electric winnowing spool here ... the colonnades in the hall were erected by Jessop Chingley (1801-1923). The inscriptions at the base, a farrago of Latin and Cornish, state that over the course of 40 years of cohabitation Burlington Smythe always, chewed with his mouth open.
These types of places tend to be a bit out of your price range. Trying to find a figure to impress the banks means accounting. Our accounts always look like this:

Nov-April 96
IN: Pounds 6,000 (less tax, insurance, rates and other charges) -Pounds18.00two florins, one earring, a book of Medieval herbal cures(bequeathed).

OUT: Rent Pounds 2,000, bills Pounds 1,500, food/clothes etc Pounds1,300,misc. living expenses Pounds 314,000.

If we sold everything we have, and didn't spend any money over the next year, we might have enough money to bribe debt collectors so they wouldn't rebreak our broken bones provided they would accept payment in the form of a few packets of Rancheros.
Now before us we have a small forest's worth of paper proclaiming the superiority of every bolt hole, dive and funked out fourth floor closet in London. If you rent, you spoon feed your future to an insatiable landlord; if you buy, you spend all day rehearsing pleas to the bailiffs. You have to pay lawyers, life insurers, the council, service charges and the wandering minstrel house buyers triangle band. There's rent, street tax and all the money you need for Windowlene. It's all impossible, but you have to do it. Us? We're going to a hotel.

Dylan M:

Scotland on Sunday, August 16, 1998


Do or Die


DYLAN Moran isstanding outside a pub in Kilkenny, waiting for his wife. This entails gazing atevery female figure walking up the street, declaring "ah, that'sher", then, when they get to about 15 yards away realising it isn't:"No. I'm blind."


Dylan Moran carriesaround this air of intangible strangeness, of unpredictability. It's what makeshis stand-up shows a calculated risk, veering from rambling, shamblingdigressions, to moments of inspired insight, occasionally within the samesentence.


The previousevening, an eagerly-anticipated performance at the Kilkenny comedy festival inthe Irish town's largest venue, had been a characteristic battle againstself-inflicted adversity. He'd turned up 45 minutes late (sleeping in after anafternoon in the pub), to face an aggrieved audience. For a while he hadteetered on the edge of disaster, before dragging himself back, hitting a rolland getting away with, well a draw at least. On stage at times he looked almostin pain grasping for the right word, the right combinations, the right gesturesWhen they came, the relief was palpable "I find it a struggle at times” hesays. "You really have to fight to not let yourself be bepetrified by the whole thing. That talent, to not be dead." A couple ofyears ago, Moran, all Perrier Award marketable image, could, had hewanted, have stepped up into the premier leagueof stand-ups, with the lucrative theatre tours the West End runs and the TVappearances All he needed to do was tighten up his sets, get serious and builda career Never really an option "No, I'm in control because I don't carethat much," he says "I've never been that ambitious. I can't livelike that, I'm not prepared to. I mean that. I feel like an old horsesometimes; I'm hot stuff now and then. But I couldn't do that, or I could, butvery badly. I couldn't sustain it. To say the same words every night is atotally different set of skills from the ones I have. The deadening thing isthat sense of 'how can I bear to say  that again?'"


Instead he flirtswith disaster on a nightly basis, following his flights of fancy onto planeswhere his audience can always follow. From time to time he dies."Obviously. Whenever I died it was due to my bloody-mindedness and acertain amount of kamikaze instinct. But the great thing that staves offboredom is that it is mysterious Recently I've had this phrase in my head andpissed myself laughing every  time I thought about it. Somebody wastalking about going to see their doctor and asking about a diet, and being toldto subsist on fronds. I can't get that image out of my mind, this image of aman eating fronds. I can't tell you where that comes from." A kind ofgifted madness perhaps some psychological tripwire that turns a word likefronds into comedy? "Well, the really good people are freaks. I'm not afreak. I can always come back to myself. It's so singular in every sense.You're on your own, you've created it, you are the whole show. It's me, meme all the time, which is an odd position to be in." 


Moran's talent isan instinctive understanding of the essential comedy in certain words, in usingthe felicitous phrase that tips a situation over into the absurd . "A lotof it's about it’s about being accurate," he says. "That's the graftpart putting in the colour, the identity of the thing. That's the work. Youhave to fill in those details, the bits that please you. You'reworking in a very small area on a very small surface. It's a  lyric thing,like song writing or poetry, you don't have the scope to go in-depth , it's aget-in-get-out thing, fast" For a comedian whose success has come fromcreating his own world, which obeys few of the rules of the real  one, youwouldn't expect him to excel  in a sitcom, to dance to another writer'stune . Perversely, in Simon Nye's misanthropic TV comedy How Do You Want Me heexcelled, using his own world-weariness to flesh out Nye's writing with anarray of sighs and gestures. "It was an experiment," he says."I'd never acted before. You'll enjoy anything where you're doing so muchlearning on the hoof. I've written my own sitcom , it's called Black Books,about  this guy who owns a bookshop. I say I've written it, but, butthere's a certain amount of resistance about actually saying yes I'm doinga sitcom. It's not really writing , it's just assailing a genre."Eddie Izzard is the classic example of a stand -up comedian demonstrating the potential disasters awaiting someone trying  their hand at thehalf-hour television sitcom. "There are all sorts of traps,"acknowledges. "But cliché is a neutral thing. It's not necessarily bad.Cliché is cliché for a reason. It has value. What neuters a cliché is the factthat it washes over you if the thing is tired. But there's no point runningaway from a stock situation because they matter, it's just how you treatthem." Writing a sitcom inevitably meant corralling Moran’s moreextravagant flourishes into a more disciplined form.


 



还有这个吗
图标太可爱了

Akira:

我要把blackbooks的subreddit每一条都看完!

第三十八封信

有关布莱克书店部分的影评倒是真不错
(咂咂咂吸肥卷)

姓江名湖:

亲爱的朋友,


  祝好!现在是二月十六日的晚上八点半,我刚刚洗漱完毕,坐在电脑前,给你写信。


  今天似乎又颓了一天,看了一天的英剧布莱克书店,笑得眼泪飞溅,嘴角的肌肉僵硬。可是三季看完之后,却又是与之而来的忧愁。弹幕里大家说着看一集就少一集,大家说怎么这么好的剧只有三集呢,大家说某年某月某日打卡纪念。豆瓣第三季的页面上有这么一段影评,



  我在喝多的时候最爱你。


  真是不敢相信这就是结局。被美剧惯坏了,隔一段时间就必须煽情一下,要不然觉得爱情和友情都不是很完整。出发前,回家后,要说一句我爱你。


  这三个怪胎才不屌这些呢!作为朋友我能做的就是把你考取函授大学的录取通知书撕掉不告诉你,你的朋友打电话约你去一个很棒的排队我会帮你推掉,你带妞回来家里have lucky声音太大我就冲进去揍你,那个抢你房子空间的隔壁女生对我笑一下我就决定做她的夏日男友而不是你的朋友了。


  做所有你觉得一个朋友不应该对你做的贱到不忍直视的事情,但是还是呆在你身边。


  这个总是穿黑风衣,书不离手烟不离口口不离酒的男人。生平第一次让人动心,是他喝醉之后面对朋友对自己dead inside的指责是说的那句:我有过一个女朋友,但是她死了。所以我的心也死了。你满意了?


  但是我们知道这不是结局,这太不是结局了。


  结局是那个女孩因为受不了这个男人,谎称自己死了,然后离开了这个男人的生活。而这个男人多年之后知道了这个事实,操起电话把让自己心碎的女人骂了一顿。


  当然,这也不是结局,结局是他的话还没说完,女人把电话挂断了。 


  于是,他的唯一一个男性朋友在楼上和新认识的女孩鱼水之欢,他的唯一一个女性朋友在自己店里的沙发上,盖着他的黑风衣安然入睡,脸上蒙了一层砖灰和碎石。他叼着一支烟坐在自己专属的那个位置上,呆呆的看着哪。摸遍了全身的口袋,才找到那只一直在老地方的打火机。



  我想了想,只留下了四个字,影评煽情。


  这个煽情绝对不是贬义的用法,不是我们所说的青春爱情剧情侣谈恋爱总是时不时撒的狗血,不是我们所说的家庭伦理剧总有丈夫出轨总有私生子要来争夺家产,不是我们所说的国共抗日剧总是大无畏自愿献身的人民解放军,而是唐诗里“记得绿罗裙,处处怜芳草”的柔情。是那种看到绿草一片时,从内心深处传来的颤动,让你不由得为之而柔软起来,让你莫名红了眼眶。


  所见之物,皆是心中所想。


  什么是爱呢?什么又是友谊呢?


  看到标题,我突然想起我曾见过的一幅画,画的是两个男孩,他们穿着简单的西装衬衫,闭着眼,旁边配着一行字,“只有在烂醉的时候才敢说爱你”。看到这幅画的那时,我没有立即反应出这是出自电影《壁花少年》。可是偏偏此时此刻,看了这个影评的标题之后,我却莫名想到这幅画和这一句话。


  看《壁花少年》已是二零一三年的十二月四日,距离现在早已是一年之久,我早已几乎想不起电影的内容,讲的大概是毕业舞会时,若是没有人与你一同跳舞,那么你就是壁花少年。可现在的我,却深深地回忆起这句话,回忆起那个带着淡淡酒味的吻,那个稚嫩的我爱你。


  我想,在一个家规严格的家庭下长大的男孩,当发现自己爱上了另一个男孩,会是多么地恐慌。他的害怕,他的胆怯,他的脆弱,都是那么地清晰。他的压抑,他的试探,他的放弃,都是那么令人心碎。在那些风大的夜晚,将自己喝得烂醉,才敢说出我爱你这三个字。在那些无人的地方,一个轻轻的吻流连于两人唇间,让人往返,又让人难过。


  是我不够勇敢吗?是我不够爱你吗?


  因为只有在醉酒的借口下,我才敢放纵自己于对你的爱意。


  于是这般青涩的爱情,自然被扼杀在成长之中。


  我以为成长是一个再残酷不过的过程,你牵着一个孩子的手,将他带向一条不归路。你告诉他你的一生会是快乐的,你告诉他前途无限光明,然后你放开了他的手,让他一个人举着灯,在黑暗中摸索前行。他会被石头绊倒,然后抱着自己受伤的腿痛哭,当他大声哭泣时,他还不知道这次再也没有另一个人陪在他身边,他还不知道这一次不会有人将他扶起,他还不知道接下来的路,他只能一人独行。


  他会逐渐意识到自己不再是为自己一个人而活,他的身上担负着许多人的爱意,而这些无非都是甜蜜的负担。他必须背负着这些,在一条看不见终点的路上渐行渐远。他注定会爱上某个人,然后当这个人离开他时,他必须裹着自己伤痕累累的心,继续前行。这是必然的,也是偶然的。他不知道自己会爱上怎样的人,也不知自己会如何为他而心碎。


  在这条路的一开始,父母曾牵着他的手走过一段短暂的路途,在他爱与被爱的同时,你也在背负着终有一天会失去他们的痛苦。而前方生命中的更多人,那些他曾相遇的,将相伴的,为他带来的将会是同样的痛苦。


    我们假装自己无所谓,我们假装自己不在乎,我们假装自己足够坚强,在离别的时候,不让自己掉下眼泪,在得到的时候,不让自己陷得太深。


  而喝醉酒的时候,我们又会变成那个懦弱的孩子,我们会忘记自己已经长大,我们会忘记自己必须顶风遮雨,我们会为一点伤痛而哭泣,而我们也会为爱付出一切。


  祝一切都好!


  二月十六日